Autumn/WInter 2014 Newsletter 2016-10-16T19:54:00+02:00

Autumn/Winter 2014 Newsletter
Planning: Your flexible way to success.

Goodness, the Autumn’s here, the holidays are gone and unless you’ve children in the house chances are your next break won’t be until the end of the year.

But it’s now when I start to review my year and for me it starts with a magical figure of 7th October. At this time of year I chart how on track things are in my life.

What goals did I have for the year? How many did I accomplish, what else has happened, how far off course am I?  The goals are personal as well as professional and they’re practical things I can measure time by.  What do you do? Do you set a focus for yourself, if so how much does it mean to you to be working toward it. The only reason I set myself a goal is because I want to feel I’ve learnt something more about who I am, so my goals aren’t all externally driven, though the tasks needed to work towards my goal would be visible in my actions if you asked me why I do X or Y..

I’m also fascinated by the “what else has happened?” question because I find it’s the things I don’t plan that give me important opportunities or feelings I don’t expect. Who was it that said ‘Real life happens while we’re making other plans.’ Divorce is often just such a real life changing event! The secret is to take back control and not let the sadness anger fear, become overwhelming.

My fear this year related to my health, I didn’t plan to get ill and take six weeks or so off work from February I didn’t expect to become ill again once I returned to work.  However, the outcome of this is I’ve stopped ignoring my body, re-arranged my life and become healthier than I was a year ago!

So what else happened that wasn’t in my original plan for 2014?

I was offered the opportunity to attend a practical course on creating opportunities to free our minds from the everyday thoughts and fears that hold us all back.  It was a one off, by invitation-only-small-group event.  The snag was, it was in San Diego and at the time the invitation came my G.P was telling me I couldn’t fly without going through a barrage of tests, then I had to wait for the consultant’s agreement!

The closing date was approaching so I contacted the trainer to say I’m doing my level best to be on this course but won’t know until 2nd May if I can fly.  Will you hold a place for me?  The course started on 14th May.  I got into San Diego at 8.30 the night before ready to join the other 28 participants from across Europe and the US.

Was it worth it?  Absolutely, because it’s given me practical tools to help me evaluate what is useful in everyday events.

It has also give me more effective tools to help people overcome some of their negative emotions as they go through challenging life events such as a divorce.

Your past does not equal your future. “Of course not”, I hear you say, but stop for a minute.  How many times have you found yourself repeating a situation you can’t believe has come round AGAIN?  Whether it’s with a work colleague, a partner, family situation or even something as mundane as breaking a habit.

The San Diego Training brought a different level of learning which gives me more tools to help people not become stuck in emotions and situations that hold them back from living happier more fulfilling lives.  After 25 years of experience in this work it is unusual to learn more than one new thing at every conference you go to.  I came home with a book full.

This course proved how important it is to respond with flexibility to opportunities that come up. One thing that underpins our ability to evaluate and adapt quickly to new situations is to look for the positive opportunities they present. So divorce isn’t often experienced as a positive opportunity more like something to be endured but because disconnecting from each other can bring up powerful emotions, the opportunities to be found in a divorce is to learn to de-clutter our mind from the emotional residue of home stresses we cannot control. There’s an understandable fear and anxiety that comes with the process of closing one part of your life and building your future path. Sitting down and creating a plan for the next six months can help you assess how your current circumstances may be hindering you from staying focussed on whatever you want more of in your life.  So you can feel powerless because events are happening that you didn’t anticipate or you can focus on acknowledging that major life events ARE happening and ask yourself WHAT DO I WANT FOR MYSELF FROM THIS? Whether it is more time, more freedom, more money, better health, even some future happiness, planning will show you what’s stopping what you’d like from happening now. Once you know that, we help you create the structure and deal with the mental thoughts our brains often use to sabotage what we want for ourselves.

Finally our team were shortlisted for team of the year in the Modern Law awards… now I never expected that!